He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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