Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Small penises have feelings too.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize