dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
