I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
