Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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