I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
