I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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