nut hugger
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
