His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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