so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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