im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
