This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Pants are for mortals
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
