I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
either way he was missing a nipple.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
