im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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