Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
