fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
