guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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