Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
