my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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