Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
