I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
