We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize