I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
