just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
