He had one of those small greek statue penises
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
