Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
