Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
