i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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