Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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