so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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