Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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