That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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