my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
