we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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