Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
