my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
