Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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