over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
