Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
