I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
