I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
high people should be assigned attendants
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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