Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
