Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
