She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
