also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
