He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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