You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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