Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
