I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
