I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It was confusing and full of hummus
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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