Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
