just tell him i said nine months
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We're too hungover to prance.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
