so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
