Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My pussy is not your playground.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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