Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
