My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
