so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
