I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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