a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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