Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize