dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm determined to sit on that face.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
