hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
