she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize