how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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