so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
