ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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