Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
