trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize