It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
is wine microwaveable?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
