Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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