She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
