Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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