Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
