WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
